I've been through a rough patch with Mr 9. What has worked for us is good old fashioned praise, taking things from him for bad behaviour and pocket money for chores and good behaviour.
A few months ago mornings were horrific and he would dodge chores. He would scream at me and call me devil woman among other stuff. We managed to have a good chat after an unusually calm morning where I gave him a hug and declared that it was a great day and wasn't it better to be happy instead of angry. I told him that if he keeps making it hard for me then I will make it hard for him. If he's helpful then I will be happy and things will be happier for him too etc. I think something got through to him because he has slowly gotten better. Iit wasn't an overnight change but over the term we have a new boy
We've gone from having to tell him 10 times to get out of bed/eat up/get dressed/brush teeth/put your shoes on etc. He would lump at the table at breakfast and ignore me. He knew what he had to do but fighting me seemed to be more of a payoff for him. I feel all Dr Phil for thinking this way but I really do think that it was a habit of negative attention he was stuck in.
So I make sure I uphold my end of the deal and pay him his pocket money on Fridays. I give him a hug and thank him for being such a wonderful helper every single day.
He gets to play minecraft or the Xbox before school if there is time where as before we were were struggling to get out of the door on time. With 4 kids it was a nightmare trying to get everyone plus myself organized. Good thing is that it's rubbing off on his brothers and now they help me make the lunches and pack the bags. I get to sit at the table with a coffee supervising while they do the work lol.
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